the first of many.

I've written to you before. I had pages and pages of words dedicated to everything I know that you are. But they somehow all become misconstrued and nothing that is breathtakingly beautiful, even for you. Because I want my words to mean something. That when you read them you jump out of your skin and grab onto your heart because you're so afraid of losing it. 

I fear my dear, that I watch one to many movies. I have in it my head that this big love affair that we're one day going to have is going to be the most beautiful thing I have ever dreamed of. We'll meet on the train and you'll smile at me and I'll look around because you couldn't possibly be smiling at me. And then you'll glide over to me in that smooth way only you can pull off and say hello and I'll blush and want to hold your hand immediately. 

And then that will be it. Cupid would have finally struck and I would never look back because I finally found my penguin. Isn't that what people use as a metaphor when they find the love of their life? You know, because once a penguin finds the female penguin they're together forever? Have I lost you? Anyways, the point is, I have this image in my mind that everything will be beautiful and nothing could possibly fuck it up.

But this is life and it's me and nothing ever goes as smooth as I would like it. But with you, I don't think I want it to be smooth. I want it to be real and dirty and messy and passionate and cute. I want us to build an igloo and make s'mores and burn the marshmallows but eat them anyways because we wouldn't want to waste that gram crackery (I don't think this is a word but we're keeping it anyways) goodness. 

So since we should start this off right and since I know you're out there, somewhere, probably doing something great like cooking for the homeless or beating the 100th level in World of Warcraft, I should let you know that I absolutely love cheese. I like it fried, melted, cold, cheddar, gouda, brie, stinky, new, fatty, non fatty, any which way you could possibly imagine. And you bet your cute little ass we're going to have a drawer in our fridge dedicated to just cheese.

If you're still reading this, god I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine. And if you're not reading this then we have a serious problem and you aren't going to be getting any form of sex for a week. 

Life's tough.